Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Why we give them our hearts.

When most people learn that they are going to become parents, they immediately plot ways to enhance their babies' lives. Right from the start, they plan nurseries, register for items that they think are essential to sustaining and growing children, take supplements to ensure proper development of their little ones, play music for the precious lives forming inside of them, etc. As a lover of literature, and partly because I was finishing my undergraduate degree in literature (yeah, I was a pregnant chick in college... yeah I took the 10 year track to finish my bachelors... so what?), I made sure to read a lot to my Ella. I took her to class with me (we didn't really have a choice) and she heard discussions about theoretical concepts in poetry, novels, and drama. She was there with me as I wrote 20-page papers on philosophical ideas concerning Middle Eastern authors' points of view. She was schooled from the embryonic stage on Whitman, Achebe, Shakespeare, Joyce, Soueif, Hamid, and other great writers from around the world. 
And when she was born, I made sure that she had some of the greatest childrens' books ever written at her disposal. Dr. Seuss, Eric Carle, Jon Muth, Lois Elhert, Ludwig Bemelmans, The Brothers Grimm, Margaret Wise Brown... these authors' stories have been mainstays in her bookshelf. Besides her health, this was one of my most important concerns... that she become immersed in books and written words right out of the gate (or vagina, whatever). Every holiday, birthday, even just a day treat was garnished with a new book. A beautiful book. Of course, the same was true for Summit. Luckily, by the time he was born, we had a stockpile of books from his sister.
For me, some of the best times that I remember spending with my babies have been those times that we've shared reading together. Every night before bed, the kids each get three books and a song, which I believe is a perfect way to end a day. (For anyone else, I am sure the song would be pure torture, as Matt and I both have the singing ability of cats in heat, but Ella and Summit aren't so aware that people with voices like ours shouldn't sing.) It's always been one of my favorite moments in the day... snuggling with them and kissing them sweet dreams good night. And as I read, I can reflect back to when I read certain books, and recall various times throughout my kids' early years and remember how they felt in my arms or how they smelled after a bath or how small their hands were. I love it and I soak it up.
Tonight at bedtime, Ella asked for two of my favorite books, A Blue So Blue by Jean-Francois DuMont and A Mother's Wish by Kathy-Jo Wargin. The first is a book I bought for her to help her appreciate art and discovery and home. The second is a book  that her Leenie bought, which tells the story of a little girl (aptly named Ella), her journey from childhood to leaving the nest, and wishes that she and her mother make upon butterflies when the girl is about the age my Ella is now. Both are beautiful stories that I have always relished reading to her.
Tonight, though, tonight was different. Since this school year began, Ella has been reading books to us... usually one a night... if we follow the teacher's rules and aren't too tired... Most of the books have been those she selects at school and brings home to read. Sometimes she reads books from her collection, but she hadn't read either of these to me. I suppose a little part of me wasn't ready for her to read from A Mother's Wish, but tonight she did. Tonight she read to me the little girl's wish in that story, which goes, "I make this wish on wings of love/ And send into the sky above/ That Mother holds me every day/And never, ever goes away." And my heart cried a little. All of a sudden, it was harder for me to read the mother's wish, "I wish to give you wings to fly/ Wings to soar across the sky/ I wish to give you wings to see/ That you were made for flying free."
 
But, I should know, that even when I want her to always be my baby girl, when I want her to always need me and cry for me and be the one she goes to and be the one she wants to be around the most, that this mother's wish is so true. This is why we prepare our kids right from the start. Why we read to them and play them music and buy organic foods and pay attention to safety this and that. Why we furnish them with the best chances for development from the moment we know they'll be ours. We know that they will grow up and leave the nest and become their own people... and it's why we do all of the things that we do... It's why we give them our hearts... because we know that they aren't truly ours, but that we are fortunate enough to be theirs. 

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