Thursday, February 21, 2013

I hope I don't look old.

I recently saw that someone...not anyone in particular, just a person...was turning 52. 52 years old. And, it made me long until I turn 52? 16 years. Sheesh. The answer wasn't as big as I imagined it would be. As it should have been. Not for how old I am. Right? Because I know I'm not so great at math, I pulled out my calculator, even though I knew the answer couldn't be any different, but I had to be sure. Yet, there it was. Of all the times I wanted to be wrong (which is like, never), there I was: right as rain.

And, then, like rain the tears started pouring out of my face as the realization sunk in. How did I get so old?

16 years. Holy crap. Wasn't I just 16, like, 10 years ago? No way, Jose. That was, in fact, 20 years ago.

It's a strange moment when you realize that you're that age you remember your parents as when you were little. The same age you expect your parents still to be. That age when you joked with your parents about how old they were. When you picked on them for their grey hairs or receding hair lines. When the grandparents were still alive. When Christmas was for you, and Easter and Halloween, too. When you played with real kid toys and cousins. And, went to your first school dances. When you couldn't wait to grow up, and it seemed like life would go on forever and ever.

And, I thought about what I was doing 16 years ago. Moving away from South Carolina. From Charleston to a perfect 3-month Outward Bound adventure in Texas and Mexico and Minnesota and Ontario. To Utah. I turned 21 in the Painted Desert, in Bullfrog Marina on Lake Powell. I was making new lifelong friends and creating new experiences that would shape who I am. I was blazing a path for the direction my life would go...getting lost on plateaus, playing in hoodoos, exploring canyons, snowboarding, and hanging out in hotsprings...16 years ago.

16 years later...look where I find myself.  Here I am with a husband and living back in the Palmetto State. And, now, my kids are the ones playing with the real kid toys and their cousins. They're the ones building forts. Christmas is for them, and Easter and Halloween, too. They pick on our grey hairs (as did the lady at my hair salon the other day, who told me I was lucky to have the greys hold off for so long...was she calling me old?). They are getting ready for those first dances. They have all of their grandparents here to love and love and love and love them. They are living life like it will go on forever and ever.

16 years from now...I cannot imagine what that will look like. Certainly, I never really imagined my life right now the way that it is, which does not me that I do not love it, but I guess the beauty is in the surprise of it all. I hope that we're all happy and experiencing the world in the best ways that we can. I hope that life is good, as it is right now, as it was 16 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago. And, I hope I don't look old.

1 comment:

  1. Glad to see you're back. Always enjoy reading your blog! :)