Monday, July 2, 2012

My Sweet Summer Solstice

Besides my loves' birthdays, my very favorite day of the year is the longest one. I don't know when it began, but I feel like I've always loved the day where the fun lasts the longest, where people hang out the latest, and where time seems to hold on the strongest. The summer solstice has always held a special place in my heart; for me it's a bigger marker of the year than January 1. It's the beginning and ending date of my year. I love the days that lead up to it when spring finally shoots out flowers and grass and love and life after the winter. I love the days surrounding it, and those after it that nod their heads toward lazy summer days and total relaxation. It's blissful.
When we found out that Evan was growing inside of me, and when we figured out when she would be due, I just knew that her birthday would be something else. I felt it inside of my soul. Way deep in that mixture of intuition and love. True to that little nudge of mommy knowledge, her birth date could not be more perfect. June 20, 2012. The Summer Solstice. The longest day of the year. According to the doctors and their fancy ultrasounds, she was 2 1/2 weeks early, but I know better. She was right on time. Cooked to perfection and ready to meet the world. Or, maybe the world was ready to meet her. I'm unsure of which, but I do know one thing for certain, I was so ready to meet her.

She's perfect. 9 pounds of perfection in one 19 inch body. I'm serious, friends. Perfection. Born on one of the most perfect days of the year. She's gentle, so gentle, and snuggly. Beautiful. Sweet. Soft. Full of love. Baby kisses and brand new sounds. Everything is fresh and everywhere is unchartered territory. Holding her little body in my arms, feeling her breath against my neck, smelling her baby smell, I'd give anything in the world to freeze time, to put myself in these moments with Evan and Ella and Summit for all eternity. This is my heaven. This. Instead, I try to memorize each and every little thing. Time is so fleeting...
And, even though I can think back to June 19 and all the dates before and remember what happened and who was there, I can't picture my world without having her right in the middle of everything. I can't imagine my heart not having her inside of it. I can't fathom my soul separate from hers. It's such a surreal idea, considering when relationships like this begin, as if they always if they were always meant to be...and you just know that absolutely nothing can cause them to cease. They always will be.
Before she was born, I was a little hesitant. How ever could I meet the love that is required for three children? I had heard people say that there's not less love to go around because of the extra kid. I had heard people say that there's more love. But, I didn't believe them. It didn't make sense. What I found, though, was that it is exactly as people said. There's so much more. So much more. This is not to say that life is easier or that it's without challenges and inevitable heartaches. But, it is to say that it's even more worth it. All of it. And, I get to live on the summer solstice every day of the year.
I love you, my sweet Evan, my sweet summer solstice.