To the Greats

Today, we lost one of the greats. After 84 beautiful years filled with love, adventure, laughter, and energy, Matt's grandmother, my kids' Grandma Great, left this world for an even more amazing experience. It goes without saying that her physical presence in all of our lives will be earnestly missed. Our hearts weep for her passing, but we all know that such sorrow is earthly in nature. We miss her because we know the love that she provided and the happiness that she brought to us won't be tangible in the way that we are capable of understanding. But, with a little personal meditation, we can relish in all of the impressions that she made upon our lives and see that she lives on in the impact of her existence.

In these past few years, the cliche "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" has become so real for me. We are so fortunate to know the love of our family and friends, but the ultimate paradox of having that love is in the losing it. The more love there is, the harder it hurts when it seems to say goodbye. And, so, when there is so much love that our hearts fill with joy when we have it, our hearts must certainly break when it is gone. When my own precious grandmother could no longer sustain her body, my heart broke into a million pieces at her passing. Nearly two years later, I still struggle with putting those pieces back together, but I try to find comfort in the memory of her, and I know that a great deal of the life I now lead is furnished by the life that she lead on earth. So, I try to come to terms with that sadness by realizing that she does live on... in the hearts of those she loved... she is part of who we are, physically and emotionally and spiritually.

For Grandma Great, this is absolutely the case as well. I told her the day before she passed away how grateful I am to her for helping to create half of my family. If not for her gift of life, my mother-in-law would not be, my husband would not be, and my children most certainly would not be. For this, I am eternally indebted to her honor.

Throughout the history of man and woman, people have been seeking out the truth to understanding the human condition. Some people spend their whole lives trying to discern what our purposes are here on earth, only to die never realizing the answers to what they put so much of their energy into figuring out. In all honesty, I spend a lot of my time pondering this very topic, and it has driven me mad on more than one occasion. I am, after all, a rather neurotic woman who has an indelible need to understand and control all aspects of my life. It's nearly ridiculous at times. But, sometimes I can look at my kids, study the beauty in nature, examine the love in my life, and find a sense of peace. I can see that figuring everything out is nearly impossible, and I think about the lives of those who've passed through my own life. I consider the love and kindness and generosity that they bestowed. And while my heart aches at their absence, I feel the legacies of their lives, and I know that my own life has been enhanced from those legacies.

In these moments, I think I can kind of figure out what exactly is the purpose of life. I think it is to know as much love as you can. To know as much happiness as you can. And I know that the only way that you can create that for yourself is to create that for other people. That's what my grandmother and Grandma Great did. They wanted so much for their families and they made so many sacrifices to ensure that those whom they loved were loved and blessed. Truly, they are some of the greats. Hopefully we can learn from them and grow from them and honor them by walking in their footsteps. Hopefully. So, here's to the greats. May you rest in peace.