Wings to fly.

If I could change one thing about the world...anything at all...it would be to make time slow down...or to have the ability to rewind and experience certain parts about the past over again. I'd like to have more time with  Grandmother and Popa. I'd like to revisit different times in my childhood and formative years. I'd appreciate a chance to remember exactly how it felt to be canoeing down the Rio Grande or across the Boundary Waters for several weeks at a time, or all the senses that accompanied living in Utah and Colorado. I'd especially like to place myself in the exact moments when my children were born and to be able to hold their baby bodies and smell their baby smells and kiss their baby feet and hear their baby sounds. That new baby love. Not to change anything, mind you, but just because.

Since Ella's birth, I've been keenly aware of the quickness of time. (I'm sure this is true for just about anyone who experiences life-altering events.) And, I've wanted nothing more than to slow.it.down. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing my kids grow and change. Not much in this world is, to me, more fascinating or fulfilling than watching them develop and thrive. However, I have found myself counting down days, almost reluctantly, to their birthdays. I suppose that I know that with each passing year they move a little farther away from me...from needing me or wanting me around. They're becoming independent, and that's a good thing, but the lack of dependence upon me is a tough pill to swallow, albeit, like a vitamin, a necessary one.

One of the books that Ella and I read is called A Mother's Wish. I know I've written about it before, but as a recap, the story is about a little girl and her mother, and the relationship that they have. When the child is young, they make separate wishes upon butterflies: the girl's is for her mother to always be with her; the mother's is for her child to be independent and strong and "to have wings to fly..." In the end, the mother notes that both of their wishes are realized, as the mother will always be with her child...she helped weave the very fabric of the girl...and the girl has turned into a strong and capable young woman.

For her 7th birthday... a special date, but as I said before, bittersweet for me... Ella received a butterfly garden from her Leenie and Grandpa. Perhaps significant is the fact that A Mother's Wish was a gift from Leenie, too. The garden was super cool... we sent away for the larvae, and they arrived via postal mail a few weeks later. We watched them eat their food (We also got to see them poop, and they poop a lot. Who'd a thunk that caterpillars poop so much? Not this girl.), and when they were ready, they climbed to the top of the container and formed chrysalises. Once encased, I attached the paper lid to the inside of the garden, and we waited for them to emerge. Four painted lady butterflies metamorphosed before our very eyes. It was a remarkable cycle of life.

Some people keep them in the garden in hopes of catching their eggs to continue the process in their homes, but Ella thought it best to let them go... I let her make that decision, and I knew she'd make the right one. And, I guess that this is another beautiful part of watching my kids grow up, seeing them make healthy choices on their own. I was so proud of her... my baby girl... she's growing wings to fly.

(Thank goodness, because I did not want to keep having to take care of the things. Butterfly gardens, like frogs, dogs, and cats, quickly become Mommy's job. :)).